Posted on 8 August '11 by FoolishHeart, under Rants. 1 Comment.
Blank
I keep staring at this screen, searching for words to express how I feel.
The curser mocks endlessly.
Blank. I feel…blank.
Posted on 21 March '11 by FoolishHeart, under Everyday Life. No Comments.
Struggling
Next. Next. Next. Next. Next….next?
Will I ever be next? I’m trying so hard to keep my chin up. I’m trying to keep believing that I’m next. It’s getting harder and harder.
And it’s breaking my heart…
Posted on 20 March '11 by FoolishHeart, under Everyday Life. No Comments.
The Wind Knocked Out of Me
It’s a good thing God hears the turmoil of my heart. Sometimes there are no words. There’s nothing to pray other than, “Please!” No coherent pleas. No eloquently worded prayers. Just anguish of spirit.
I’m happy for you – I really, really am! But my happiness for you leaves a bitter taste on my tongue. A longing that only grows stronger with time. This body was made to grow and nourish babies. These arms were made to hold children. These hands to teach tiny feet to walk. But instead my broken body seems intent upon breaking my heart along with it.
I’m not looking for your platitudes or easy fixes or “how wonderful I am” or any of that. I simply want a place to pour out my heart. A place to be heard. So my heart doesn’t swallow my hope.
Posted on 18 March '11 by FoolishHeart, under Everyday Life, Faith, Hopes and Dreams, Rants. 1 Comment.
After-Ache
The 5k was pretty amazing. Yes, it was hard. In a weird way. I’ve never run like that before. I’m not sure why I just kept running. I wasn’t pushing myself and pushing myself. I just didn’t want to stop. Maybe it was the energy of the crowd. It’s pretty amazing to be running in a group of a few thousand people through downtown. The streets were closed for us. The Max was shut down. The buses. Everything along our route was closed down. It was so COOL! After about mile 1.5 my calves started to ache. I’m sure if it was just from running in general or new shoes specifically. Either way, two days later they still hurt. I must be something of a masochist, because I like it. ;0) It keeps reminding me of what I accomplished – no- what I am CAPABLE of. I KNOW now that I can run like that. Now I have to remember that when I’m out running on my own when I get too “tired” to run farther.
Posted on 15 March '11 by FoolishHeart, under Everyday Life. 1 Comment.
